GlastonBBC (day 1)

• 7:00 It's Colanedith to introduce us to Glastonbury 2005; Colin apparently 'thought that God himself would appear on the main stage' earlier. They talk to Fatboy Slim for a bit about his everpresence at recent festivals and the 3D glasses everyone will be given for his performance. Is this 1993?
• 7:08 Babyshambles, with Pete in a straw hat looking comparitively with it but still mumbling incomprehensibly much of the time. Where's Kate? They play Killamangiro, he jumps from stage and drops his hat in the mud, before becoming completely submerged in the crowd. Once out he throws mud at them, which was probably nicer than the cigarette he appeared to drop on them previously. They follow up with an almost as chaotic Babyshambles.
• 7:14 There's Kate! They play another song which is trying to be sweeter and doesn't work exactly as well. The guitarist looks a bit like Gary Neville in a hat. We get the first sight of the many flags blocking people's view, a large orange one with a picture of a toaster is particularly impressive. There is also an unidentifyable cardboard cut-out person on a stick.
• 7:20 We switch away with no sign of new single Fuck Forever. Well, it is before the watershed. Discussion of the performance largely centres on who was there; Kate Moss is the modern Yoko Ono apparently. Huh? We are informed that the studio was only fixed 90 minutes ago after being lost to the flood and that this is why Colanedith are on scaffolding for now.
• 7:22 We are introduced to third presenter Rufus, who turns out almost immediately to be an irritating twat, slightly like a less funny Justin Lee Collins (yes, really). He interviews 'The Doves' and asks them if they 'prefer putting out the albums or playing the rock and roll music?'
• 7:25 The Zutons play Pressure Point. They have ditched last year's yellow boiler suits (too hot?) in favour of an orange and black theme.
• 7:27 The word fuck makes its first appearance. They play Zuton Fever, whose proximity to the all-too-similar Pressure Point is as bad an idea as on record, and ill-advisedly attempt to leave a space for the crowd to sing in Zuton Fever.
• 7:33 We go over to Bloc Party, LIVE! Drummer Matt rather adorably has 'HELLO MUM' written on his arm. They start off with Like Eating Glass, and it rules. The roar of the crowd singing the first line is incredible, and the most exciting moment yet by far. It's followed by Positive Tension ('so fucking useless!' There it is again. Rock and roll!) which continues with great intensity and some rather cool guitar. A realisation comes that while I can name all three other members easily I have no idea who their bassist is. He barely gets a look in on the coverage, probably because his hair is unexciting.
• 7:44 Midway through Banquet, Colin informs us that we are leaving The Doves. He then corrects himself and finally apologises for all the pre-watershed swearing, as well as for a Chelsea flag near the stage.
• 7:45 Pointless Rufus makes a brief appearance, but it seems that we will finally get to see The Doves play. There is some discussion of Edith going for a date with one of them, presumably Jimi as large beardy Mancunian singers may be her type.
• 7:46 Jimi has a fuller beard and longer hair than ever. They begin with Pounding and a rather great banner is spotted in the crowd reading ''Manchester > The World". They follow this with Words. Just after Jimi announces that they will be playing a song called Words, the BBC caption helpfully pops up "Doves - Pounding". Well at least the caption writer is the only person here who can get the band's name right. Almost Forgot Myself is introduced by some particularly amazing guitar and gets a correct caption. It becomes clear that they are showing videos on the screens either side of the stage rather than themselves, possibly a good move. Their set is ok but somewhat lacking from here, what would be atmosphere building if watching in person just seems slightly dull.
• 7:59 Cut away from the end of N.Y. for the (minute-long) BBC3 news.
• 8:02 We are informed of how much the 'monsoon' has affected their studios and plans; probably a blessing in disguise as it means more music and less crap interviews! Hoorah!
• 8:03 Return to Bloc Party. Matt is now shirtless. An inflatable penis is sighted in the crowd, not sure if it is the one responsible for the BRMC debacle previously or not. We hear Little Thoughts, Helicopter, So Here We Are and The Pioneers, with So Here We Are the only week part of their televised set as Kele favours yelping above singing to a greater extent live and it doesn't suit it.
• 8:19 We go back to Doves midway through Sky Starts Falling. They suddenly look very wet, although whether it's rain or sweat is not entirely clear. Next are The Last Broadcast and Satellites in what seems to be a very Last Broadcast dominated set. Satellites takes an absolute age to get going.
• 8:34 Brooding noise and harmonica for ages. They have swapped positions with Jimi behind the drums and it a caption introduces Here It Comes. It looks like there may be some problems though.
• 8:38 Noise still going. Definite problems, they give up and decide to swap back and play The Cedar Room instead. The caption tells us again that it's Here It Comes, of course.
• 8:45 'Thanks for keeping with us. This song is called The Fear!' so it's not just the captions which don't get it quite right. It is an unsurprisingly great climax with the usual three-person drumming and leaves a slightly better impression of their set.
• 8:51 ...except it isn't the end at all because we get Space Face! Excellent. And the cardboard cut-out earlier turns out to be Kylie from the Fever cover. Aww again.
• 8:55 All three presenters now in the studio. Colanedith are 'the BBC Pete and Kate' apparently. Cringe. Rufus (whose surname is now revealed as Hound) says that the best thing about Glastonbury is 'seeing random people doing random things!' Get him off, NOW. They reflect on the advantages of the weather, apparently the flushing out of undesirables from backstage: 'I haven't seen anyone from Big Brother this year!'
• 9:01 After the news we get the same red slug BBC3 ident for the third time with one saying 'from up here it all sounds the same', it is obvious that this is going to get very annoying. Royksopp sound nice. They have a small strip of screen with red letters going across saying 'Royksopp's night out'.
• 9:02 Coverage has started on BBC2, with Mark Radcliffe explaining the weather problems and sounding rather hoarse. We get Elvis Costello playing Oliver's Army complete with snazzy pink, purple and gold guitar.
• 9:08 KT Tunstall gives the first in studio performace. Her pedal doesn't work.
• 9:14 An 'updated at the last minute' (ie to include floating boots) film about the area is shown.
• 9:18 Maximo Park play a reasonably impressive Graffiti, with robotic dancing and RAWK signs puzzlingly thrown by some of the crowd. We get the first sight of Lauren Laverne, followed by a lovely film about John Peel.
• 9:26 We get Phill Jupitas and Jo Whiley for the first time. Phill refers to 'myself and The Laverne' and says that we will get a look at 'The Doves'. Strangely it doesn't seem to get any less irritating with repetition.
• 9:27 Black And White Town!! Filling a useful gap from the BBC3 coverage of their set. Jimi doesn't manage the speaking part very well but adds in more elsewhere about Glastonbury, god knows what he actually says.
• 9:32 Turn over just in time for the end of Royksopp's set. Babyshambles come into the studio and mumble completely inaudibly.
• 9:36 The Killers, complete with their logo in huge lights, begin with Somebody Told Me and Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine, quite possibly their two best songs. Possibly not a great move but it's good fun for now. The keyboard has jewel-looking things all over it and Brandon has a white jacket and excessive eyeliner. They remain charmingly clueless and seem to be having a good time, even playing a B-side to great reception and without it dragging.
• 9:56 After On Top, Smile Like You Mean It and Andy, You're A Star we return to the studio. Colin probably manages a couple of sentences before sound is actually turned on. Make-up and 3D glasses are discussed. Coverage takes a break for Eastenders.
• 10:34 Back with Colanedith. 'New best mates' Royksopp that coverage will be shown of appear to actually be The Killers. We get Mr. Brightside and it's ok, I've never understood its mass appeal too much though. Afterwards they are interviewed; Edith appears to get their mention of hometown Las Vegas completely confused with the Lost Vagueness section of the site. It occurs that perhaps part of the reason Brandon Flowers is seen as being so hot is that all of the rest of the band are definitely not, maybe Rufus is here for a similar reason in terms of presenting. We get All These Things That I Have Done shown now, complete with most massive singalong yet to the still completely rubbish line 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier.'
• 10:44 Somebody Told Me repeated AGAIN ALREADY. That's just over an hour after the first time, with no coverage on BBC2 during this time.
• 10:48 Someone from Royksopp is interviewed. He recieves a toy cow, although apparently is somewhat confused. It turns out that it is not in fact by Colin's accent but because he's been taught that it's a calf for some reason. We are shown a luscious Poor Leno, and he points out afterwards Colin's similarity to Adrian Brody.
• 11:00 I leave for a while. Sorry.
• 11:50 Back! Fatboy Slim is nearing finishing. The glasses which apparently are also in front of the cameras, cause lights to appear as smiley faces, which actually seems to be working well and looks cool.
• 11:56 BBC2 has The White Stripes playing a hypnotising The Hardest Button To Button. When I first heard them I don't think that I could have imagined them making it this far but they do look cool as anything with the whole place bathed in red light and the white light on top of the Pyramid stage suiting their setup perfectly. As Mark Radcliffe points out, attention to details such as the red and black microphones does make it visually the best set yet. Tiredness is beginning to set in and I'm not familiar with that many of their songs anyway.
• 00:20 Seven Nation Army gets a surprisingly muted seeming reaction as they close, although it may just be the coverage not picking up the as crowd well at the Pyramid Stage.
• 00:28 Back on BBC3, Rufus is going to take is through to the end of the night as Colanedith are off. Oh great.
• 00:30 A choice between two repeats already: Babyshambles doing Killamangiro here on 3 or Doves' There Goes The Fear on 2.
• 00:35 We get a song from The Zutons' performance earlier, which puzzlingly is Pressure Point again. That isn't even their best known song.
• 00:40 2 is showing The Hardest Button To Button again. On 3 Rufus is interviewing a man in a stripey shirt who I don't recognise. We get 'another performance from The Doves' which, of course, is There Goes The Fear again.
• 00:46 Stripey shirt man turns out to be a co-presenter. Discussion of percussion takes place after the There Goes The Fear finale: 'and of course Meg did her drum thing too!'
• 00:48 We get Bloc Party doing Helicopter from earlier. Why they don't show the performance of Banquet that they had to cut away from earlier I have no idea.
• 00:52 A totally cringeworthy discussion of the issues of Kele's race takes place.
• 00:54 Be Your Own Pet from the John Peel Stage are introduced by stripy shirt man (Rufus hasn't heard of them) as being like Hanson with 'Britney Spears if she'd been a bitchy rock chick' as singer. They rock in an ok generic fashion.
• 00:56 Brett Anderson and Will Foster from The Tears are in the studio. 'So The Tears basically consists of you and Bernard Butler', a bit harsh when one of the other members is sitting in front of you!
• 00:59 'This is The Tears and The Lovers'. Just as it starts Brett is heard to say 'I bet it sounds rubbish!'
• 01:00 It does, his voice almost as totally fucked as it was on Jonathon Ross a few weeks back. We get some more interviewing and Refugees.
• 01:16 Somebody Told Me for the fourth time tonight, and the third on three alone. Now, I accept that not everyone is going to watch all seven hours of coverage (I am beginning to reconsider my intention to do so over the weekend by this stage) or flick between channels but surely anyone dedicated enough to be watching BBC3 this far past midnight is likely to have already seen it and would quite like to be rewarded with something a little less populist? Or even just a different song by The Zutons?
• 01:19 Over on 2 Phill, and a caption, tell us that we're seeing Bloc Party play Helicopter. Somewhat incongruously but not unwelcomely, we hear Lumidee. There is an empty stage. It turns out that we're seeing the very start of their set from just before they arrive and so we get a repeat of Like Eating Glass instead. I'm not complaining.
• 01:24 On 3 The Killers have reached Mr. Brightside and All These Things That I've Done again. Obviously a whole repeat of their set is necessary, because there just wasn't that much going on at Glastonbury to fill seven hours.
• 01:26 On 2 something is happening with a gong in the studio. Afterwards we get two Elvis Costello tracks which are worth celebrating because they haven't already been shown earlier.
• 01:32 At last, something new on 3 too! It's MIA and is quite exciting, although why she was so far up the bill remains unclear. Stripy shirt man manages to redeem himself somewhat with some genuine enthusiasm about her performance, and when asked his favourite of the day suggests that she just beat Editors. For a brief and foolish moment the hope that they may show Editors appears. Instead we get a repeat of Royksopp's Poor Leno, while 2 has Killamangiro again. This is followed by oh-so-hilarious discussion of Royksopp's accents.
• 1:43: Rufus tells us that BBC3 is dedicated to showing 'all the greatest performances from this year's festival'. And showing them again and again and again. It becomes abundantly clear that one of the chief reasons that he is so annoying is because he doesn't actually like music, as he can't come up with anyone he's seen today and when asked about who he is looking forward to tomorrow can only offer Chas And Dave, largely as an excuse to make jokes about them and The Libertines and show just what an amusing and ironic chap he is. He says goodbye for the night 15 minutes early and we are left with White Stripes repeats for the rest of the night (presumably, I turn over and don't come back)
• 1:46 Chris Martin and Guy Berryman over on 2. White wristbands have been seen on most bands earlier but Chris has gone for a full multicoloured selection. They discuss going to Haiti with Emily Eavis. This is followed by much hype about their set tomorrow, worryingly. Maybe Speed Of Sound will reach double of figures in the number of times it's shown.