Chartsengrafs - I just need time

Sunday gone: Take That never really looked in doubt and indeed sell a lot more than your average number 1 with their not-that-exciting-but-at-least-it-isn't-Westlife-or-Akon "Patience". Didn't that Akon song come out months ago anyway? The Jukebox has confused me, probably. Not even charity can put Emma Bunton ahead of it, anyway.
Girls Aloud pop back into the top ten with their most successful single for a fair while - contrast this with Sugababes' similarly Greatest Hits trailing "Easy" which came out later and is already down to thirty. They're never going to quite make anything better than "Overload", are they?
Nelly Furtado ft. Chris Martin is at 13 on downloads; Red Hot Chili Peppers are 16 with a song even they looked bored with on TOTP2 (to any confused onlookers who thought that TOTP had ended - you're right to be confused); The Feeling's craftily timed "Love It When You Call" (it probably got more airtime on Children In Need than the official single) can only make 18 but will be selling albums aplenty, and Booty Luv are 19.
Outside the top twenty we have Lemar at 21, Faithless ft. the guy from Kubb at 26 (you can see the mistake there), Pink's mystifying run of recent success ending with a 27, Chamillionaire at 35 (insert Weird Al reference here) and The Feeling's previous single back in the top 40. This will probably annoy someone.

Speaking of which, over in the albums it's THE SAD WEEK THAT REAL MUSIC DIED as Westlife have the temerity to sell more of their bunch of newly recorded covers than Oasis' rather miserly greatest hits package and that good, but... Beatles thing. Oh, and U2. Well done to Vernon Kay, contributors to The Void et al for somehow managing to make a Westlife number one seem the preferable outcome here.

Sunday coming: Take That will take up residence at the top of the singles chart, and look set to do much the same in the albums. Comparisons of sales to Rudebox are going to be fun.
Akon and Eminem similarly set up stall at 2, with Booty Luv the highest new-ish entry. Nelly Furtado is going to get a third top five hit of a very successful year - here's the aforementioned Chris Martin version if anyone's interested. Try to ignore the 'video'. Muse's "Knights Of Cydonia" should finally get a top ten place to go with its awesome and slightly Firefly-esque video. And, shit, I left it off my singles of the year ballot. Barefacts favourites The Fratellis will be alongside them, The Killers a bit lower. Other info seems unusually sparse, except that, if it wasn't too long before release to be allowed, Chris Cornell's James Bond theme would be top ten on downloads. Yikes.

Well let's look at our other prospective album chart entries instead, then.
Hmm. Il Divo? G4? Katie Price and Peter Andre??? Ok, that was a mistake.

We just danced, danced, danced to the midnight trance

It's been a while, hasn't it? Apologies, and regular service will soon resume, or at least as close to that as exams allow.
Anyway, just to prove that I haven't been completely idle, here's a little something I wrote about one of my favourite Super Furry Animals songs.

'a quick whiff of “creepy stalker” in the air'

Stylus Singles Jukebox! This week mine are all there except Kashia Chante's dated but excellently constructed "Been Gone" [7], Depeche Mode's dated but likable "Martyr" [6] and Roxette's dated but ignorable "One Wish" [5].

Chartsengrafs - A razor that leaves your soul to bleed

Sunday gone: Fedde Le Grand and Bodyrox make it a pretty rare dance 1-2 at the top. The former actually sold worse than it did last week, but had the way cleared nicely by McFly's plummet from 1-9. If it wasn't for last year's limited Elvis reissues they might be on their way to some kind of record there.
Girls Aloud just miss out on climbing a place but Beyonce doesn't, taking "Irreplaceable" to 4. It's also now five weeks in the top 5 for supposedly cult concern My Chemical Romance. U2 and Green Day take 6 on downloads with their greatest hits promoter/Katrina charity single (wonder what Michael Jackson's will be like? Oh.) and Amy Winehouse says 'no no no' at 7.
All Saints' comeback gets off to a rather promising start with the rather promising "Rock Steady" at 11 on downloads, Simon Webbe is the less edgy Lemar at 12 and Depeche Mode are 13. Amusing Oasis-like sales fact: To the nearest 200, Playing The Angel has sold the same number of copies as Exciter.
Someone apparently still cares about Babyshambles at 17 and Keane's "Nothing In My Way" is 19, one place better than their Mew impression "Crystal Ball" managed. As well as the usual CD, vinyl and download it was made available on a memory stick, something that no one in their right mind sees as the format of the future. Surely.
Outside the top twenty, Damon Albarn takes off where Blur left off in more way than one, with The Good The Bad And The Queen's "Herculean" matching the peak of "Good Song" at 22. Tenacious D are still funny to someone, scoring their best position ever at 24, and Panic! At The Disco's awesome "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" limps in at 25 because it was already a hit, except that it wasn't.
The Game and Klaxons aren't getting anyone too excited at 26 and 29, Sean Paul's career seems to be slipping away from him at 31 and Sugababes get a download entry at 30. Hur, 'download entry'. CSS are in with a bang at, er, 89.

Turns out that Girls Aloud's number 1 album isn't actually anything to do with everyone waiting for the greatest hits, just picking a better week of release than last time. Anyway, hooray! Amy Winehouse is 3, The Who are 9 and Madeleine Peyroux 12. And they all have rounded corners.

Sunday coming: Just last week I was talking about McFly being the new Westlife in chart terms, and now we have the return of the real thing, probably to number one. Oh joy. They have done an online thing where you can insert you name into the video to "The Rose", which is just asking for it really, and Popjustice have duly delivered.
The return of probably the worst group ever makes for an unlikely situation whereby U2 and Green Day's song would be the lesser of two evils even if it wasn't for charity. Let's hope they overtake.
All Saints are going to have to make do with 3; Madonna apparently records music and is heading for 7; Sugababes might only just make it into the top ten but at least they'll beat Mutya and George Michael.
Your other likely new entries this week:
Akon (downloads)
Christina Aguilera (downloads)
Robbie Williams (downloads)
Kasabian (twats)
Infernal
Pigeon Detectives
Taio Cruz

The albums charts is really very close, with McFly managing another plummet from 1 in the first midweeks down to 5 in the space of days. Jamiroquai's greatest hits is currently leading, just ahead of Damien Rice's If I Could Express Seriousness In One Character I Would Call It That. Angelis are apparently also near the top, although it might be that someone missed off a V.

'I know the name of Sailor Moon’s love interest'

I'm back in the Stylus Singles Jukebox this week. Hooray!

All that's missing:
McFly decide to be Train, are never going to make a record as good as "Five Colours In Her Hair" again. [3]
and Sugababes have a rather routine chorus but are good enough elsewhere to compensate. There's a lot of fun just to be had from the absurd innuendos, for a start. [7]

In other news

I've read in numerous places that the darker haired of the two main boys in Sigur Ros' Viðrar Vel Til Loftárása video is actually a girl. Really??

Charts redrawn

The rumoured-for-a-while changes to the official UK singles chart have finally been announced recently. As expected, downloads are going to be counted as soon as they're available, rather than only a week before physical release, as HMV, Virgin et al have at last dropped their objections. Probably because they've all but given up the ghost on the single completely; looking at the measly space alotted to singles in even their flagship stores is pretty depressing.
The new rules don't come into play until January 1st next year, so we stay with the current slight stupid situation for a while, although a new year is a reasonably good time to change.Except that a more unexpected change in the new rules is that there's no need for a single to be specified by anyone (I guess as it would be impractical to enforce?) and with January always a particularly low selling, weird time for the charts anyway all kinds of weird things are going to happen. Expect Oasis to have 5 songs in the top 40, or something.
Anyway, those potential teething troubles aside, this is a very sensible move. If people are buying singles as downloads, that's what should be represented. As long as no one persuades them to go with including airplay, we should have a fine chart for a while yet.

Oh, and 4 track singles (or more, if some are remixes) will be allowed to count for the charts once more! Which is great, but about 4 years too late.

Sound Of(f)

More coming soon, but for now here's a review that I wrote for my university's newspaper. It doesn't say anything new, I guess, but given that I got laughed at by almost everyone when I chose the review it still needed saying:


Girls Aloud
The Sound Of: The Greatest Hits
5/5

The cover to this compilation (group present only as tiny silhouettes, flying tambourine to forefront, terrible font) is so ugly that it’s difficult to believe that it could have been carefully calculated and designed. Maybe that’s the idea because there are still so many people who baulk at manufactured pop, never mind pop manufactured through (yuck) reality TV. Yet in, er, reality, the musical message that’s emerged from Popstars, X Factor et al has been a remarkably bright one. The lasting successes from their ranks (Will Young, Lemar, this lot) have been so because they’ve released great songs. Take the public’s interest for granted and you’ll last a couple of singles at most. (Hi, One True Voice! Hi, Shayne Ward!)
The Drink*’s most famous visitor Cheryl, Nadine, Nicola and… the other ones may account for only a small part of their creation but the songs on this CD still have more musical skill, invention and awesome tunes than all your Fratellis, Kooks and Hollways put together. The futuristic, three choruses in one blitzes of “The Show” and “Biology” are breathtaking, “Love Machine”’s skewed skiffle is still brilliant and their early hits are masterclasses in edgy fun. Zigzag electro bursts make covers “Jump” and “I Think We’re Alone Now” their own and they throw in two great new originals. Even that perennial pop punchbag, the ballad, doesn’t prove a big stumbling block bar the reheated Wonderwall-lite “Life Got Cold”. One bad track in 15 – this is an essential collection.


*local reference here

Songs to Learn and Sing

There are fine goings-on over at Sweeping The Nation this month: each day, a different contributor each day will be writing about one not so well known song that they love. There will, of course, be mp3s too.
It's an excellent idea, and I'm not just saying so because of the choice of first guest...

Chartsengrafs - Detroit, a lovely city

Sunday gone: McFly get their sixth number one (that's twice as many as Busted, you know), with decent 50K+ sales, pushing the massive promotion to fanbase for big first week sales method that everyone else has kind of given up on in the downloads time. In chart terms, they're pretty much the new Westlife, almost guarenteed number one though the chances of anyone new becoming interested are minute. The song at least isn't quite that bad though.
Fedde Le Grand overtakes Girls Aloud since midweeks to take number 2 and leave them with 3 (still best since "I'll Stand By You") and Beyonce is 5 with her unusually quite good ballad "Irreplacable". Amy Winehouse lands a 7 with "Rehab". Which is the score I gave it for this week's Jukebox, incidentally.
Bodyrox (are they meant to be something to do with New Rave? I can't rememeber, not that it means much if Hot Chip are) are 11 on downloads; The View get to 15 for a second time despite being a bit rubbish and having an annoyingly wrong chorus ("it's never been played before and it never will" - never will BE!); The Magic Numbers at 16 seems about right/ Rihanna's late week rally gets her to 17 but, still, ouch; The Kooks are at 20. This is the sixth charting single from your album, please go away now. And preferably don't come back.
The Raconteurs are 22? Third singles from White Stripes albums barely do better. The Long Blondes don't just fail to progress but actually go backwards with "Once And Never Again" only at 30 and it's a shame that all momentum has now pretty much been lost just as they finally bring out their excellent album. Upper Street: reality TV, 'boyband stars' (except for, um, the one not from a boyband), 'combined sales of 50 squillion!', number 36.
It's a bit more of a surprise that The Cooper Temple Clause, whose new single displays a lack of anything much to interest after such a long break, even make it as high as 37.
Oh and one last note: "Chasing Cars" has now left the top twenty!

Albums: Robbie Williams' 150K or so is about half as much as usual for one of his albums but still enough for number one; My Chemical Romance, Meat Loaf and Rod Stewart line up behind him.




Sunday coming: McFly are set to suffer the expected plummet, but there's nothing new and big enough to replace them. So, Fedde Le Grand will climb to number 1 while Girls Aloud and Bodyrox fight it out for 2. Keane are somehow heading top 10, along with Depeche Mode, who have now reached the stage of their career where they release as many Greatest Hits albums as new ones.
The Good The Bad And The Queen might just about make the top twenty, Simon Webbe definitely will and so will Panic! At The Disco's rereleased massive-hit-except-it-technically-wasn't "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies"
Your other new entries will be:
Jamiroquai!
Klaxons!
Tenacious D!!
Moby!!!
The Game!!!!
Christina Aguilera (downloads)
Sugababes (ditto)
and Sean Paul.

In the albums The Who and Madeleine Peyrouzzzzzz are heading top ten, Amy Winehouse top
three and the occasional "oh, I'll wait for the Greatest Hits" boost to pop groups strikes again as Girls Aloud are heading for the first number 1 album.