Some people wait a lifetime for.... Chartsengrafs

See what I did there?
Anyway, time to review the burning wreckage of the UK's singles charts. Well, really, the switch to allowing all downloads to chart at any time was a sensible and inevitable one, and within a couple of years will give us a perfectly good download based chart. Only problem is that while physical singles overall sell much worse than downloads, newly released big singles are still mostly sold on old fashioned CDs (or vinyl, or DVD, or... cassette? Perhaps not). This means that unless you follow the release dates very closely, lots of singles are going to start having big jumps for no apparent reason. At least last year's one week in advance rule made things easier to follow.



Sunday gone: Leona Lewis just about manages to hold off Eric Prydz (less than 100 copies in it, apparently) for a fourth week at number 1 with "A Moment Like This". At this point the only explanation I can come up with for such dreck still being foisted on X Factor winners is that Cowell and co. actually make more money by them having a massive first single and then a career that's over by June in order to better clear the way for next year's chump.
3 and 4 are new entries on downloads only, so pretty much readying themselves to fight for next week's number one are Mika and Just Jack, both highly placed in the BBC's early year survey of music biz types to find the next big thing. The former's song, you'll notice, all but announces him as Freddie Mercury redux, such is the conviction that this is all that we should want. "Too Little Too Late" surprisingly isn't for Jojo at 6.
The View's "Same Jeans" (previously a number one for Cornershop nine years ago) enters at 11 just ahead of full release, Freemasons get a 12 with the help of some actual CDs and Klaxons get a very early 16 for "Golden Skans", which is probably going to be rather big. It's worth mentioning at this point that my previous unimpressed stance on them has been overturned, not so much by this song as by belatedly seeing the fantastic video to "Magick". The response was something along the lines of 'oh, now I get what they're doing'. Amy Winehouse just about manages to get her new single ahead of "Rehab", at 18 to its 20. It's working out well, anyway, because her album hits the top of the (otherwise uninteresting) album chart for the first time.
"Chasing Cars" is back out of the top twenty again but still ahead of The Ordinary Boys' "I Luv U". I would like to say something about that one and it's video, but really, where the hell to start? The Automatic's rerelease of "Raoul" (hey, it's better than Lostprophets) gets to a measly 30, with the small consolation that it does at least place ahead of the six month old "Monster". Just. Evanescence are at 32, Jarvis is at 36, Jamie T at 40 (but sure to climb next time) and The Cooper Temple Clause are 41 and unlikely to ever see any higher again.
That's your lot for this week. Finished. Done.

Oh, alright then, the much reported big news of this week's chart is that of Koopa, who at 31 are the first unsinged act ever in the top 40. As long as we're ignoring, you know, Marillion, SimplyRed.com, Sway having managed the same thing a year ago, that type of thing. Which we are, since they didn't make it through revolutionary chart changes that reflect the changing ways in bla bla bla. This is their single, and they've, uh oh, decided to use it to make a statement about the music scene. Its chorus goes 'this is what real music sounds like'. Click at your own risk, because if I have to cover a more disheartening single this year I'll be kind of surprised.

Sunday coming: Mika is going to be number one, though his single isn't out til 29/01 so under previous rules he wouldn't even be allowed in yet. There'll be some more news stories about that, no doubt.
Just Jack just behind, followed by The View lining up to be this year's Kooks.
Other new or rising songs by:
JoJo
Ordinary Boys
Klaxons
Jamie T
The Good, The Bad And The Queen
Guillemots
Akon with Snoop Dogg
The Gossip

Haha

via Popjustice. It's difficult to grasp how anyone could have the necessary skills and time to create this and put it up on YouTube and yet...

Chartsengrafs - I just need time

Sunday gone: Take That never really looked in doubt and indeed sell a lot more than your average number 1 with their not-that-exciting-but-at-least-it-isn't-Westlife-or-Akon "Patience". Didn't that Akon song come out months ago anyway? The Jukebox has confused me, probably. Not even charity can put Emma Bunton ahead of it, anyway.
Girls Aloud pop back into the top ten with their most successful single for a fair while - contrast this with Sugababes' similarly Greatest Hits trailing "Easy" which came out later and is already down to thirty. They're never going to quite make anything better than "Overload", are they?
Nelly Furtado ft. Chris Martin is at 13 on downloads; Red Hot Chili Peppers are 16 with a song even they looked bored with on TOTP2 (to any confused onlookers who thought that TOTP had ended - you're right to be confused); The Feeling's craftily timed "Love It When You Call" (it probably got more airtime on Children In Need than the official single) can only make 18 but will be selling albums aplenty, and Booty Luv are 19.
Outside the top twenty we have Lemar at 21, Faithless ft. the guy from Kubb at 26 (you can see the mistake there), Pink's mystifying run of recent success ending with a 27, Chamillionaire at 35 (insert Weird Al reference here) and The Feeling's previous single back in the top 40. This will probably annoy someone.

Speaking of which, over in the albums it's THE SAD WEEK THAT REAL MUSIC DIED as Westlife have the temerity to sell more of their bunch of newly recorded covers than Oasis' rather miserly greatest hits package and that good, but... Beatles thing. Oh, and U2. Well done to Vernon Kay, contributors to The Void et al for somehow managing to make a Westlife number one seem the preferable outcome here.

Sunday coming: Take That will take up residence at the top of the singles chart, and look set to do much the same in the albums. Comparisons of sales to Rudebox are going to be fun.
Akon and Eminem similarly set up stall at 2, with Booty Luv the highest new-ish entry. Nelly Furtado is going to get a third top five hit of a very successful year - here's the aforementioned Chris Martin version if anyone's interested. Try to ignore the 'video'. Muse's "Knights Of Cydonia" should finally get a top ten place to go with its awesome and slightly Firefly-esque video. And, shit, I left it off my singles of the year ballot. Barefacts favourites The Fratellis will be alongside them, The Killers a bit lower. Other info seems unusually sparse, except that, if it wasn't too long before release to be allowed, Chris Cornell's James Bond theme would be top ten on downloads. Yikes.

Well let's look at our other prospective album chart entries instead, then.
Hmm. Il Divo? G4? Katie Price and Peter Andre??? Ok, that was a mistake.

We just danced, danced, danced to the midnight trance

It's been a while, hasn't it? Apologies, and regular service will soon resume, or at least as close to that as exams allow.
Anyway, just to prove that I haven't been completely idle, here's a little something I wrote about one of my favourite Super Furry Animals songs.

'a quick whiff of “creepy stalker” in the air'

Stylus Singles Jukebox! This week mine are all there except Kashia Chante's dated but excellently constructed "Been Gone" [7], Depeche Mode's dated but likable "Martyr" [6] and Roxette's dated but ignorable "One Wish" [5].

Chartsengrafs - A razor that leaves your soul to bleed

Sunday gone: Fedde Le Grand and Bodyrox make it a pretty rare dance 1-2 at the top. The former actually sold worse than it did last week, but had the way cleared nicely by McFly's plummet from 1-9. If it wasn't for last year's limited Elvis reissues they might be on their way to some kind of record there.
Girls Aloud just miss out on climbing a place but Beyonce doesn't, taking "Irreplaceable" to 4. It's also now five weeks in the top 5 for supposedly cult concern My Chemical Romance. U2 and Green Day take 6 on downloads with their greatest hits promoter/Katrina charity single (wonder what Michael Jackson's will be like? Oh.) and Amy Winehouse says 'no no no' at 7.
All Saints' comeback gets off to a rather promising start with the rather promising "Rock Steady" at 11 on downloads, Simon Webbe is the less edgy Lemar at 12 and Depeche Mode are 13. Amusing Oasis-like sales fact: To the nearest 200, Playing The Angel has sold the same number of copies as Exciter.
Someone apparently still cares about Babyshambles at 17 and Keane's "Nothing In My Way" is 19, one place better than their Mew impression "Crystal Ball" managed. As well as the usual CD, vinyl and download it was made available on a memory stick, something that no one in their right mind sees as the format of the future. Surely.
Outside the top twenty, Damon Albarn takes off where Blur left off in more way than one, with The Good The Bad And The Queen's "Herculean" matching the peak of "Good Song" at 22. Tenacious D are still funny to someone, scoring their best position ever at 24, and Panic! At The Disco's awesome "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" limps in at 25 because it was already a hit, except that it wasn't.
The Game and Klaxons aren't getting anyone too excited at 26 and 29, Sean Paul's career seems to be slipping away from him at 31 and Sugababes get a download entry at 30. Hur, 'download entry'. CSS are in with a bang at, er, 89.

Turns out that Girls Aloud's number 1 album isn't actually anything to do with everyone waiting for the greatest hits, just picking a better week of release than last time. Anyway, hooray! Amy Winehouse is 3, The Who are 9 and Madeleine Peyroux 12. And they all have rounded corners.

Sunday coming: Just last week I was talking about McFly being the new Westlife in chart terms, and now we have the return of the real thing, probably to number one. Oh joy. They have done an online thing where you can insert you name into the video to "The Rose", which is just asking for it really, and Popjustice have duly delivered.
The return of probably the worst group ever makes for an unlikely situation whereby U2 and Green Day's song would be the lesser of two evils even if it wasn't for charity. Let's hope they overtake.
All Saints are going to have to make do with 3; Madonna apparently records music and is heading for 7; Sugababes might only just make it into the top ten but at least they'll beat Mutya and George Michael.
Your other likely new entries this week:
Akon (downloads)
Christina Aguilera (downloads)
Robbie Williams (downloads)
Kasabian (twats)
Infernal
Pigeon Detectives
Taio Cruz

The albums charts is really very close, with McFly managing another plummet from 1 in the first midweeks down to 5 in the space of days. Jamiroquai's greatest hits is currently leading, just ahead of Damien Rice's If I Could Express Seriousness In One Character I Would Call It That. Angelis are apparently also near the top, although it might be that someone missed off a V.

'I know the name of Sailor Moon’s love interest'

I'm back in the Stylus Singles Jukebox this week. Hooray!

All that's missing:
McFly decide to be Train, are never going to make a record as good as "Five Colours In Her Hair" again. [3]
and Sugababes have a rather routine chorus but are good enough elsewhere to compensate. There's a lot of fun just to be had from the absurd innuendos, for a start. [7]

In other news

I've read in numerous places that the darker haired of the two main boys in Sigur Ros' Viðrar Vel Til Loftárása video is actually a girl. Really??

Charts redrawn

The rumoured-for-a-while changes to the official UK singles chart have finally been announced recently. As expected, downloads are going to be counted as soon as they're available, rather than only a week before physical release, as HMV, Virgin et al have at last dropped their objections. Probably because they've all but given up the ghost on the single completely; looking at the measly space alotted to singles in even their flagship stores is pretty depressing.
The new rules don't come into play until January 1st next year, so we stay with the current slight stupid situation for a while, although a new year is a reasonably good time to change.Except that a more unexpected change in the new rules is that there's no need for a single to be specified by anyone (I guess as it would be impractical to enforce?) and with January always a particularly low selling, weird time for the charts anyway all kinds of weird things are going to happen. Expect Oasis to have 5 songs in the top 40, or something.
Anyway, those potential teething troubles aside, this is a very sensible move. If people are buying singles as downloads, that's what should be represented. As long as no one persuades them to go with including airplay, we should have a fine chart for a while yet.

Oh, and 4 track singles (or more, if some are remixes) will be allowed to count for the charts once more! Which is great, but about 4 years too late.

Sound Of(f)

More coming soon, but for now here's a review that I wrote for my university's newspaper. It doesn't say anything new, I guess, but given that I got laughed at by almost everyone when I chose the review it still needed saying:


Girls Aloud
The Sound Of: The Greatest Hits
5/5

The cover to this compilation (group present only as tiny silhouettes, flying tambourine to forefront, terrible font) is so ugly that it’s difficult to believe that it could have been carefully calculated and designed. Maybe that’s the idea because there are still so many people who baulk at manufactured pop, never mind pop manufactured through (yuck) reality TV. Yet in, er, reality, the musical message that’s emerged from Popstars, X Factor et al has been a remarkably bright one. The lasting successes from their ranks (Will Young, Lemar, this lot) have been so because they’ve released great songs. Take the public’s interest for granted and you’ll last a couple of singles at most. (Hi, One True Voice! Hi, Shayne Ward!)
The Drink*’s most famous visitor Cheryl, Nadine, Nicola and… the other ones may account for only a small part of their creation but the songs on this CD still have more musical skill, invention and awesome tunes than all your Fratellis, Kooks and Hollways put together. The futuristic, three choruses in one blitzes of “The Show” and “Biology” are breathtaking, “Love Machine”’s skewed skiffle is still brilliant and their early hits are masterclasses in edgy fun. Zigzag electro bursts make covers “Jump” and “I Think We’re Alone Now” their own and they throw in two great new originals. Even that perennial pop punchbag, the ballad, doesn’t prove a big stumbling block bar the reheated Wonderwall-lite “Life Got Cold”. One bad track in 15 – this is an essential collection.


*local reference here

Songs to Learn and Sing

There are fine goings-on over at Sweeping The Nation this month: each day, a different contributor each day will be writing about one not so well known song that they love. There will, of course, be mp3s too.
It's an excellent idea, and I'm not just saying so because of the choice of first guest...

Chartsengrafs - Detroit, a lovely city

Sunday gone: McFly get their sixth number one (that's twice as many as Busted, you know), with decent 50K+ sales, pushing the massive promotion to fanbase for big first week sales method that everyone else has kind of given up on in the downloads time. In chart terms, they're pretty much the new Westlife, almost guarenteed number one though the chances of anyone new becoming interested are minute. The song at least isn't quite that bad though.
Fedde Le Grand overtakes Girls Aloud since midweeks to take number 2 and leave them with 3 (still best since "I'll Stand By You") and Beyonce is 5 with her unusually quite good ballad "Irreplacable". Amy Winehouse lands a 7 with "Rehab". Which is the score I gave it for this week's Jukebox, incidentally.
Bodyrox (are they meant to be something to do with New Rave? I can't rememeber, not that it means much if Hot Chip are) are 11 on downloads; The View get to 15 for a second time despite being a bit rubbish and having an annoyingly wrong chorus ("it's never been played before and it never will" - never will BE!); The Magic Numbers at 16 seems about right/ Rihanna's late week rally gets her to 17 but, still, ouch; The Kooks are at 20. This is the sixth charting single from your album, please go away now. And preferably don't come back.
The Raconteurs are 22? Third singles from White Stripes albums barely do better. The Long Blondes don't just fail to progress but actually go backwards with "Once And Never Again" only at 30 and it's a shame that all momentum has now pretty much been lost just as they finally bring out their excellent album. Upper Street: reality TV, 'boyband stars' (except for, um, the one not from a boyband), 'combined sales of 50 squillion!', number 36.
It's a bit more of a surprise that The Cooper Temple Clause, whose new single displays a lack of anything much to interest after such a long break, even make it as high as 37.
Oh and one last note: "Chasing Cars" has now left the top twenty!

Albums: Robbie Williams' 150K or so is about half as much as usual for one of his albums but still enough for number one; My Chemical Romance, Meat Loaf and Rod Stewart line up behind him.




Sunday coming: McFly are set to suffer the expected plummet, but there's nothing new and big enough to replace them. So, Fedde Le Grand will climb to number 1 while Girls Aloud and Bodyrox fight it out for 2. Keane are somehow heading top 10, along with Depeche Mode, who have now reached the stage of their career where they release as many Greatest Hits albums as new ones.
The Good The Bad And The Queen might just about make the top twenty, Simon Webbe definitely will and so will Panic! At The Disco's rereleased massive-hit-except-it-technically-wasn't "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies"
Your other new entries will be:
Jamiroquai!
Klaxons!
Tenacious D!!
Moby!!!
The Game!!!!
Christina Aguilera (downloads)
Sugababes (ditto)
and Sean Paul.

In the albums The Who and Madeleine Peyrouzzzzzz are heading top ten, Amy Winehouse top
three and the occasional "oh, I'll wait for the Greatest Hits" boost to pop groups strikes again as Girls Aloud are heading for the first number 1 album.

Compare and contrast

Girls Aloud - "I Think We're Alone Now" (mp3 on POPtastic!), from their new Greatest Hits with incredibly shoddy cover.
The Pipettes - "I Think We're Alone Now" (mp3 on Girlpants) from earlier this year.

Not bad for a list

Drowned in Sound's Top 66 albums since 2000, the year that they begun (and I can remember almost that far back, when they let any loser write for them...)

It's interesting anyway, but most complaints about it are pretty much overridden by the choice of Vespertine as number one, just as I'm wishing that I hadn't taken so long to discover it - beautiful and sensual and everything that Kid A and Amnesiac weren't quite plus more besides.

Anyone else annoyed at missing Guillemots yesterday?

You can watch their set with BBC Concert Orchestra here at least. Lots of other Electric Proms things available here, including the whole set (and so whole new album) of Damon Albarn's new band. I was actually at that one, so more soon.
On the Guillemots one, if you only have time for one song it's worth skipping to 15 minutes in for "Bad Boyfriend". Words fail me.

Chartsengrafs - I fell in love with Uranus

Sunday gone: My Chemical Romance make it two weeks at 1 without much difficulty. Bob Sinclar continues his determined climb, making it as far as 3, Girls Aloud pull a 5 on downloads out of nowhere, leaving me briefly wondering if they were going to actually fall down the chart on physical release. That's already better than any single off Chemistry and "Wake Me Up", for those noting similarities.
Meat Loaf (if only he started singing about his own songs, we could have Meta Loaf) suffers the inevitable late week fall but still lands at 6, his best since ten years ago. Everyhit tells me that one of his hits went by the over-lengthy title "Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are" which links him nicely to our current number one single's genre as well as to our current number one album and its soundalike single. James Morrison single reaches 8, still sounds like KT Tunstall knockoff. The Ordinary Boys are pushing their reality TV fame for all it's worth at 10 - their new album includes not only their rereleased Lady Sovereign remix but also "Boys Will Be Boys", i.e. the lead single from their last album.
Jamie T is 13, just ahead of Beyonce's downloads. Amy Winehouse makes the top twenty with hers, too.
Pet Shop Boys suffer a non-top twenty place for the time since "Was It Worth It?" as "Numb" only makes 23 - should have stopped at two singles like last time, I guess. The Holloways are at 30. I guess even Fratellis fans have to draw the line somewhere. Rogue Traders (33, full, oops) and Cassie (38, downloads) round out the new entries in the forty.

The albums has one last hella boring week, with The Killers still at 1.




Sunday coming: McFly, who obviously have some kind of aversion to downloads, have enough fans left who haven't defected to Panic! At The Disco to take them to number 1 again. Girls Aloud look likely for their fifth 2 although Fedde Le Grand might push them close. Beyonce will have to settle for 5 and I take back what I said about Fratellis fans earlier as The View are heading top 10.
Amy Winehouse isn't doing much on physical sales and will only be up a couple from last week (this week? whatever), while The Magic Numbers might be a little disappointed with their fortunes too. Serves them right for ruining Jonathon Ross' Japanorama. The Long Blondes aren't going to be stars after all, even now they have finally got really good, while The Kooks have finally released one dull single too many to get any higher than 20 or so. The Raconteurs and a rather folorn looking Rihanna should also get top forty places.

The album chart looked like finally being a close run thing this week, but Meat Loaf's good sales and My Chemical Romance's very fine sales (more than 100K by the end of the week for sure) are no match for Robbie Williams, even a Robbie Williams who doesn't appear to know what he's doing any longer. Rod Stewart and John Legend are also going to clutter up the top and an outside top ten place doesn't look good for the aforementioned Ordinary Boys album.

Bloc Party - A Weekend In The City

Details just coming out about this one - it's out on 5th February next year, so just about sooner than two years after Silent Alarm, and has a tracklisting a bit (or a lot) like this:

• Song For Clay (Disappear Here)
• Hunting For Witches
• Waiting For the 7.18
• The Prayer
• Uniform
• On
• Where Is Home?
• Kreuzberg
• I Still Remember
• Sunday
• SRXT

"The Prayer" is the single and it's apparently all about life in the city.

Chartsengrafs - More than any laws allow

Sunday gone: Ladies and gentlemen, behold your new number one single:

Hooray! Almost exactly a year on from "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor" and My Chemical Romance's preposterous, brilliant "Welcome To The Black Parade" is the first time since that a song's ability to actually get to number one has come as such a pleasant surprise - they're not on an indie label and have reams of press coverage of course, but still. A look at the airplay chart shows that they've achieved it with less radio play than the last Kooks single is still getting, incedentally. Razorlight and Scissor Sisters are 2 and 3, Bob Sinclar and P Diddy swap round to be 4 and 5 and the next biggest new entry is Beatfreakz at 7, who ignored demands to withdraw the single because of their rip-off of the Superman logo.
Laid back? James Morrison and Corinne Bailey Rae will give you laid back at 20 on downloads and 32 on physcials; the smell of repetition really is on Hot Chip as "Over And Over"'s rerelease reaches 27; Placebo and Alison Mosshart are S-E-X-I-N-G at 35; like a monkey with a miniature cymbal (but don't ask how) The Ordinary Boys poke casio at 36 and Badly Drawn Boy has started thinking about what he has to do to get anyone to like him again at 38.
Goo Goo Dolls and Meat Loaf lurk outside the top forty on downloads and Blazin' Squad (remember them?) are 54.

In the albums it's much the same as last week with The Killers at number one and only Trivium entering the top 10 (at 7). Most notable lower down is Sting's lute album at 24, which according to Metro is "rubbing shoulders with the likes of Razorlight and Scissor Sisters". Well, apart from the twenty place difference.




Sunday coming: Week 2 at number one is to come for our emo overlords, probably selling more than last weeks 33,000. Biggest new entry will be Meat Loaf and Marion Raven at 5 or so and James Morrison and The Ordinary Boys are likely to follow them into the top 10. Pet Shop Boys look set to keep their almost 100% top 20 record with "Numb". Jamie T is heading top 20 too - really?
Lower down, The Rifles might just make the top 40, Goo Goo Dolls releasing thier new single as a double A side with their Ronan Keating cover "Iris" will only be enough to scrape in, and The Holloways continue to bring N7 into disrepute.
Next week there will be a much needed clearout near the top as we have a whole lot of download entries coming this Sunday: The Kooks, Rihanna, Cassie, Girls Aloud, Beyonce and, topping the lot in unlikely fashion, Amy Winehouse. Well, she'll get a nice new platform to slag people off from. Should be fun.

In the albums nothing comes close to threatening The Killers, with Badly Drawn Boy and P Diddy heading for middling entries.

'Not bad for a 30-second wrestler's intro piece'

Stylus Singles Jukebox returns! Your bonus thoughts:

Papa Roach go vaguely emo to catchy but still rubbish effect [3]
Akon turns out his worst song yet and Eminem decides to show up for some reason [4]
and I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness are called I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness. And have a lovely dreamy song that sounds a bit like The Cure, possibly. [7]

The Knife at Kentish Town Forum (14/10/06)

This isn't much like ordinary gigs. Aside from occasionally playing kettle drums with fluorescent orange sticks, it's difficult to work out what Olof Dreijer is actually doing for much of the time, and with his sister Karin, the only other onstage, only singing it's clearly not about reproducing their records live. Both are, of course, wearing balaclavas and orange facepaint, often then only part visible in the shadows.

I didn't see their show earlier this year at the Scala but its difficult to imagine how much of the show would have worked on a smaller stage - the size of the many, brilliant projections and, in fact, a certain distance from the audience being key factors in the experience tonight. After a couple of songs of elaborate images on the big screen behind them, all of a sudden a thick white line is drawn on the screen and simultaneously appears in the air in front of the stage. It's only after a few more lines are drawn that it becomes clear that they are in fact playing behind a second, translucent screen. It's a great trick but works beyond the intial "what is that?" factor; the impression that they are caged and that Karin is singing through a barrier matches up with the strained, distorted nature of many of the Silent Shout vocals. Aside from the likes of "Forest Families", though, it's the danciest ones which work best - their first album's "Kino", where artwork is abandoned for manically flashing lights, sounds fantastic. "Heartbeats" is actually slightly, strangely, underwhelming. It's played in a different, barer form that loses most of its bounce, though it would be difficult to really fuck up a song as great as that.

More extra tricks, like distorted faces either side of the main screen, are gradually revealed and the length of time they wait before using their surround sound makes it all the more startling when things start happening directly overhead too. It's hard not to admire such a well put together show, and it's only very occasionally that it feels cold or distant. A shame there's no "One Hit", though...